Sunday, November 03, 2013

Some thoughts on friends and friendships...

Hello Humans,

Have you really thought of what makes someone your friend? 

Everyone has different definitions, expectations and contributions to their friends and friendships.

Friend becomes acquaintance and acquaintance becoming friend. People come and go in your life. They may have left deep footsteps in certain part(s) of your life, they may not have. But they may also leave (left) at certain phase of your life. Not to deny that each of them played a major impact and forged great friendship, at least at that particular stage. Thank you friends, friends in the past, present and future, for building fond memories with me and treasuring(ed) our friendships. 

Not to worry, I am not emo-ing. The topic on friendships is common. And somehow there were conversations on friendship with my friends. It reminds me of how I've missed some (used-to-be) important people in my life.

*a super long post ahead* 

I remember my lower primary school BFF- NHS and LPY calling ourselves weird names like Bunny and Tweety. We sneakily ate that 10cents sweet in class, pretending that the teacher didn’t notice us. I remember talking with you in class, but yet I was the only one the received the punishment. I don’t really blame you, I blame that teacher. If not it would be great to get punished together. Oh ya, and my first friend in JPS-NHW, the fat little boy who adores Fann Wong and Sailor Moon. You were my first best friend. It saddens me a little that we are strangers. I know we've tried to stay close but things just get awkward as time passes. I do remember you whenever I flip through my sticker book during tidying/cleaning. Haha. Not forgetting another lower primary school BFF-ACK. I still find it weird for us to be BFF given my super Chinese background and your super English background. I wonder how things worked out for us. It was always a pleasure to visit your house, to play with you and your little sister (who is forever 3 years old in my memory), eating your mum's maggie, jumping on your bed, dirtying your carpet with my ice-cream, celebrating your birthday and of course visiting zoo with your family. I felt so welcomed, by you and your family. It was genuinely a true friendship, and I thank you for all your love as a friend.

People move on and BFF changed over time, given all the streaming and all. I’ve no idea when I start speaking more English. Perhaps it was my primary 5 BFF Nurul that forced me to speak more English since that was our common language. Upper Primary school life was great, having ELYL, TYX, CLYR, TLBE and TSH as my favourite people. I truly enjoy all those moments- skipping meals during recess for games like catching, playing no-rule basketball and badminton, nuahing at all your homes and eating all the yummies, or heading to the library to “chat” instead of doing of homework. Oh yes, of course being similar at height brought us together too. No doubt we drifted as we grow, it's a huge pity.

Guilty am I, sometimes I forgot a good friend of mine from sec 1 to 4. Well, she's very soft-spoken but a considerate being. We got lost of touch despite being in the same JC. Yes you, LSC. Sometimes I’m still reminded of you, for instance looking at books by Agatha Christine. And yeah, probably another person to bring up is DKSZ, a "neighbour" of mine staying in the same area. We started to know each other when I make delivery for her homework cos she was on MC. From that period on, we had been SMS buddy for at least 8 years. We weren't particular close but we always SMS each other on random things until University year 3. It's really a pity for us, to drift despite living so close. There were occasions that I was thinking if this SMS friendship works, it didn’t last but it certainly helped me get through some ups and downs. You had been a great SMS buddy, really.

As I'm getting more anti-social as I age (okay I shouldn't make myself sound old), my social circle gets smaller. Personally I don't think I've made many friends in JC. But thank you people like MC and AL for all the fun moments in school. M only stayed with us for the first year but it was a great year. Coming from the same Secondary School, with seemingly quite different background, it was quite amazing how we could somehow clicked and had all those stupid lame moments together. As for AL, who got MIA, I can’t remember much stuff between us but I hope you’re doing fine. Some other random people include JW and JY- sometimes I also can’t recall much shared memories beside talking on our way back. It seems like I have poor memory, I do not deny of that. Not forgetting the fun moments we (some Hillgrovians) during the first three months, playing dai di and mahjong. Despite not being close from the start till the end, those memories still print in my heart. And thanks CWF and C for those wonderful memories in China! It was definitely fun sharing room with you girls and doing stupid things together. At least we were close during that travel period as getting drifted when we were back was kind of expected.

Like I’ve said, I get more anti-social as I age, so I don't really bother much with socializing in University. I’ll never forget my first friend in NTU, a girl who was sitting alone in the tutorial room and I went to talk to her. She, my first friend from NTU, is VC. As a friend and course mate, she was always truthful and helpful. There were so many times when I was stuck at choosing essay questions or running out of ideas to crap, she was always there to help, offering me ideas. Having her own attitude can be sometimes quite intimidating for her friends. We are quite different, in the sense that sometimes we just couldn’t communicate. We’ll just sit side by side on the bust and remind quiet. She’s honest. Let alone her dressing sense, she can tell me/us straight into the face that probably we wouldn’t be contacting in the future cos it was quite natural for us to be together since we are in the same course. It’s like friend of benefits. You’re right val. I can’t really recall when we started to drift but thank you for playing such a major role in my life in NTU, especially in the first year.

Friends we were, strangers we are.

School indeed was like a place where I make friends. I don’t really have much life outside school. Yeah, I love school. Of course like I’ve said, friends of course can remain as friends. I’m not a sadist with all my friends disappearing from my life and keep making new friend. That would be too tiring. Hence despite for once or twice that I thought maybe I should be less anti-social and have more friends, I’d rather spend the effort on maintaining friendship than creating new friendship.
(Okay I still do think maybe sometime I should step out of my comfort zone and say hello stranger. LOL)

Somehow things got more stable in Secondary school. One of the best choice I've made is getting into Hillgrove, joining SJAB and meeting my BFFs (aka laopos)-LZY, BHL and KXQ. I'm glad that and thankful that our friendships are still going strong despite entering different stages of life. Let's make it work and stay by each other's side to deal with future’s ups and downs! You girls are certainly at the top of my friend list, despite me joking at times that I’ve to re-rank your ranking. I’m not sure how our friendships will turn out be in the future, but let’s hope we’ll get to each other’s phase of getting into relationship, striving for career, building a family, having kids and of course in short, growing old.

Another clique of BFF I got to know in my life is also from Hillgrove. It is also where I got to know PKLP, LYT, SCS in upper Secondary. Come to think about it I wasn't really that close to PKLP or SCS in Secondary school. I think we got closer only in JC. PKLP was just my partner (index partner for queuing for morning assembly and maybe for labs experiments) and sometimes we’d fool around while walking up the stairs to our class. We only got to know each other better in JC, thank god you were in the same class (and OG) with me. I hope I didn’t stick too much to you, but I think I did. Your presence in my life was great. You’re a great friend, for being so real and truthful. My first interaction with SCS wasn’t a good one. I believe he was the one who dropped my bag in canteen and I flared at him (I wasn’t that good temper in the past, HAHA). I’m not quite sure if that scare you or if you remember it. You’re the next better guy friend of mine (aside NHW as my first guy BFF in JPS) though we don’t really talk a lot but since in the first place I don’t have many friends, let alone guy friend, yes you are one. I’ll also never forget my first impression of LYT- the fierce and unfriendly girl who closed the bad door when we were trying to peek into your classroom when you all were doing foot drill. To my surprise, you’re such a sweet friend! Thanks for being so patient, so caring, so helpful and I truly enjoyed all our study sessions in schools and of course visiting your house! Despite having lesser meet ups and contact with these BFFs, I hope we wouldn’t get drifted and I believe our friendships will last cos we’ll be each other side in times of need.

Okay, this is getting really long. But please pardon me for a little while more. I’ll just do with 2 more people! YYQ is the only friend that I’ve really made in JJC I guess. I mean the one that has been there since JC and is still there. I remember you being my biology partner, being my PW group mate and all. Thanks for all your encouragement, your sharing and treating me as a friend who you can share your issues. Thanks for seeing me as someone whom you can confide. Let’s make this friendship work okay! And I still look forward to our one-fine-day successful Botanical Garden trip!

Last person, NPM! Thank you entering my life in NTU. I can’t imagine completing the course without you! Though we are quite different in some sense, thanks for being such an honest and truthful friend, like clearing things up instead of keeping to yourself (it’s really a bit different style for us). I know everyone is flawed; me and you are not spared. It’s quite amazing that I’ve some sort of transformed you to slightly more open to Chinese language, haha. Yes, maybe we should go sing K sometime soon.

Thanks friends for trusting me, believing me, confiding to me and of course treating me as your friend. I don’t really confide to people but I guess I prefer to keep it to my own. People works differently, don’t they? I hope I did perform my role as a friend and have/had somehow impacted your life in one way or another.

This post really summarizes all my used-to-be close friends and those who are still close to me. There’s too much effort required from both parties to make things work. But as time passes, things may just get too awkward for people to work it out. So I guess the best of all is to be appreciative and be grateful of what you had and have, because some stay, some leave. It's the truth, I'm not sure whether or not to use the words "sad truth". But that's how life works...

And to end off, I hope new friendship do lasts too. There are still plenty of chances to make new friends given the age of 23 years old (even though I seldom make friends with random people). But of course, there are different types of friendships and hence hopefully those that can hit off will remain. (:

Lots of loves,
Bean

P.S. I didn’t expect this post to be so wordy. It’s like an essay with 2000 words! If only writing an essay is as easy as that… Oh well, I’m super naggy and I wonder who actually read the entire entry. If you really do, thank you friend. And please pardon the poor command of English. You should have known that the English standard of your friend here (me) isn't that good. HAHA.

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